Dear God

Dear God,

Lord God I’m sorry for all the sins i’ve committed. Please help me in my time of need. I feel unworthy of all the things you’ve given me. Feeling unappreciated seems to be a daily routine. Why do I feel so lonesome when I’m constantly surrounded by those who love me? God the passion I once had for you is fading. I need to learn more about God I feel as if all I do nowadays is preach your name but I want to be preached to. God fill this empty void of mine with love, passion, and appreciation. People may say I’m important but its usually only out of sympathy. I want acts of appreciation not words. You truly do inspire me and I will continue to praise you. Eternally yours, Gail

God exists.

 Although cruelty and beauty coincide in life, it was all in God’s plan. Whoever said that God only exists in the beautiful parts of what we see in the world. The evil and ugliness in the world was all Man’s choice. We caused the famine happening to the animals and the children, we killed the ozone, we created crime, we are the ones who murder and commit suicide. Don’t just point out all the bad things in the world and say God doesn’t exist because those exist. Us as humans have the freedom of will to do what we please, but God will show you the beauty in the end. And thats why God exists.

Dear God,

Why do girls think they’re tough when they get into fights? 

Why do girls thing they’re hot when they show off too much skin?

Why do girls always have to impress and one up each other?

I don’t understand our generation of girls. Watching these videos of girls fighting all the time acting like they’re being mature by fighting out problems. Whats so great about beating someone up, or bullying a girl? Honestly, what is your problem. Don’t act like you’re so tough just cause you hurt someone else. If you were strong, in my terms, you would’ve had the will power and knowledge to know that fighting wasn’t the only solution. 

And to all the girls who dress scandalous, why? Are you trying to prove a point by showing off your bodies? What point is that exactly? Is it for guys to know you’re easy, that guys know you’re “freaky”, or so that guys can compliment you 24/7? Does that really leave a sense of accomplishment in your life?

Last, girls you don’t have to one up each other all the time. Stop trying to be better than one another, its a stupid fight that you’re never gonna win cause you know what, there’s always gonna be someone else trying to be better. Its a never ending battle that you should just get out of.

Lord God, I ask that you may guide these girls on the right path. May you protect their hearts, souls, and bodies in this world. God teach them and show  them what love and strength truly is. Show them that violence isn’t of you and that they should chose a more holy path. God please, stop these girls from hurting each other and keep them safe. 

Yours eternally, Gail.

Dear God,

I can honestly say I feel the pressure of living up to someone’s expectations. Honestly I’m not the type to try and impress but I feel as if God is asking me to prove myself worthy of this new opportunity. There’s really nothing to be nervous about but I want to exceed someone’s expectancy of me. God please watch over me and my cp in tomorrow’s household. Let the new brothers and sisters feel comfortable and closer to God. Lord God I ask that you use us tomorrow as your instruments and just run your strength, courage, and love through our souls. Please Lord God make this heavy weight on my shoulder be lightened. Take these nerves of mine and smooth them away. God please just bless my cp and I. 

Eternally yours, Gail

Dear God,

What do you have in store for me Lord God?  You’ve taken me from highs and lows and I just can’t seem to find a steady path anymore. There will always be something in my way to get to you but sometimes these obstacles seem to be perfect. Perfect in a sense where it strengthened me in the right state. My heart is constantly struggling to fight with my brain. But what conquers both in the arguments is you. God I feel so blessed to have such an amazing community like YFL and then such beautiful friends outside of the community. You couldn’t have given me a better life. And now Lord God I want to know whats in store for me. My urge to be a leader in Christ is overpowering all my thoughts. I’ll be honest, I love to spread your word and talk about your love and how it affected me. I love to inspire hearts and minds with your gospel. God I am only your messenger, an instrument of yours to use. You are always by my side watching over me, leading me to the proper paths that you laid out for me since birth. I wish I could do more for you Lord God, I want to serve you even more and to preach more about your love. Its truly just a deep fire within me burning for you, waiting for you to run through me and to speak your words once again to a community of believers and nonbelievers. This life you’ve given me has always been for you, you are the King of all Kings and the Great I am that conquers all in this world. Every last molecule on this earth was created by you and I will glorify your name til the end of my days. God help me to serve and stay strong, wise, and knowledgable. 

Yours eternally, Gail.

Dear God,

I have this gut feeling that I am empty.  Not in faith but just empty in general. Just sitting here with nothing inspirational in my heart. I’ll be honest I  want to be a leader. My parents said no to letting me go to a hh servants training and I cried. It means so much to me for them to accept the youth but they still haven’t. And it hurts even more when they don’t support me at all being in the youth. I try to open their eyes to it but they’re just as stubborn as anyone else. God means so much to me and I know he’s calling me but maybe he has other plans. Maybe my parents don’t see it fit for me to be in the youth. I don’t wanna start anything but I feel as if my parents are trying to pull me away from the youth. I hate it so much, but I’ll keep praying. In the end I’ll have to abide by what my parents want. 

Dear God,

I’m so humbled at your feet Lord God. I used to think dancing was my only escape from reality. But I realize through you that you are my reality and that you are my escape from all the pain. You have truly taken over me and I’m so grateful for all the blessings you have given me. You’ve given me the chance to proclaim my testimonies and the opportunity to lead and inspire others through my love and passion for you.  

I pray you continue to guard my heart.

Dear God,

Being strong doesn’t suffice in life anymore. Its not enough to get through. Lord God watch over me and guide my heart. Cleanse me from my sins and wipe my tears away. God I ask for your wisdom, knowledge, and beauty. Not outer beauty, inner beauty. I ask for your wisdom because I need to know right from wrong. I need your knowledge to see past all the lies in this world. And lastly I ask for your beauty so that I may shine on another’s heart your words of the Gospel. God the strength you have given me is no longer enough. Its not that I don’t appreciate it or taking advantage of it but I realize now being strong isn’t a way of life anymore. God I pray that you help me right now please, show me the way to your light and may I be so bold but to ask and to receive all the gifts I asked for. I love you God. I will always glorify you through light and darkness. 

Everyday is another blessing

A gift that God made

Something we cannot return

He is the faith within my heart

that makes me feel invincible

No evil temptation can set us apart

Because within my heart, is He.

God is the most beautiful

Not by his appearance but by actions

He is the Great I am who conquers all

His people will glorify him til no ends

Spreading His love through out the world

Finishing the work he began in us 

Because within my heart, is He.

God gave us strength

He gave us an everlasting Hope

That one day we will save all souls

The love that he put in us

is greater than all things on earth

But no greater than He

Because God is love

Numb 

I know what I want and what I need but when God answers my prayers and gives me those blessings, for some reason I don’t feel as happy as I should be. There’s no doubt in my mind that I want to serve God or that I want to grow up but something is holding me back. I don’t wanna get cheesy and say “I’m holding myself back.” I know in my heart that something is wrong. Its hard to explain when honestly my life is at the best its ever been. Maybe its just the feeling of knowing that almost everything is perfect in my life? LIfe has never been like that and never should. I guess I’m just waiting for something to go wrong. Then again like I’ve always heard from my youth group, “participate don’t anticipate.” That goes for everything in life. Don’t predict your obstacles or the problems God might throw at you, just wait and face them when they come. I hate this feeling of anticipation and hopelessness.  I know there is pressure put on me, but I can’t feel it at all. Its more like a numb feeling in my soul and in my body. Don’t worry I’m not going crazy, I just feel like God is truly in control of my life now and I need to accept that.

In the Past

Back then we were all fools. Falling for the stupidest things. So many things brought us down yet we could never find a reason to get back up. We would give up so easily because in reality we knew we’d always be put down. Then I look at everyone today and realize, we’ve grown up. No longer do we stop when obstacles come in our way. No longer do we try to avoid pain. Pain made us change, those obstacles in our lives changed us. All of the hurt we were put through are in God’s plans and intentions for all of his children. Sometimes I wonder.. what does God want me to learn today? What’s my next challenge in life going to be? But you know what, all I can really do is be patient and just pray that I’ll have the strength to get through the rest of my journey because I know God has so much in store for me, I can feel it. 

I’ll be honest, my dream has always been to inspire millions of dancers. To be that girl on the tv and internet everyone loved to watch dance. I always thought that would be my future, dancing for a living. It was the only dream that ever touched my heart and lifted me up. But you know what? God has truly taken over my life and its in his hands. What he has in store for me is greater than I could dream of. No longer is my dream to become a dancer, but to find God and his calling for me.

Your Fear Comes From Having No Sense of Control

So these past couple days I went to SHOUT, a leadership training for 3 days. Truly I realize that everyone in the community has fears and its because they don’t have control of what happens after they make decisions. Worst case scenario is that you didn’t live up to your expectations and let down your community. But honestly who’s to say that the words and actions you chose to speak are wrong? All you have to do, all you must do, is pour your heart out to your brothers, sisters, and even the world. 

I also learned about taking control of the situation and standing your grounds when your faith is questioned by those who don’t understand. They tested me and a group of other brothers and sisters at SHOUT. It was truly frustrating to watch my faith be questioned, watching God’s word be questioned. But I can say that I tried my best of my abilities to defend my Lord God. Even though everyone could see the anger in my eyes I still tried my best to control the situation and speak the word. Yes it was just a mock assembly and there will be farther worse things than that, but to get a taste of it was an honor. It showed me that I need to work harder on being a true Catholic woman of God, that I need to be able to back up all my answers. 

But I felt so blessed at the end of SHOUT. Especially the feeling of finally being recognized as a strong sister and not a dancer. It warms my heart to know that I might have touched someones heart or inspired someone, or even the fact that the community finally got to hear me speak out. I’m truly blessed.

Dear God,

After all the months of praying to make me stronger you bring me down again. God I don’t understand. But I guess its just another test of my true faith and strength. You’ve challenged me in ways I never thought you could. It hurts to know how much you’ve hurt me God but it makes me smile even more to know how much you care to always be by my side even when I thought you weren’t there. God I pray these next few days will strengthen me once again. I’ve been through so much in just a week and I need to know that I can be stronger than I already am. Please guide my heart and protect me from what may try to hinder me. God I still don’t fully understand why you had to challenge me now.. of all weeks to do this, you chose now. I’m so confused at what I should do and how I should fix everything you’ve thrown at me.  But I have faith that you’ll answer me soon enough and I’ll be grateful. 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 58:11

“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. ” -Psalm 27:3

This passage from the bible is one of my favorites. It reminds me that whatever I am put through in life, I will always guard my heart and come out stronger. I shall not fear for what struggles come before me. No, I will stand my grounds even if an army of others tell me to bow. With this I remember I am strong and that nothing will hinder me or my heart. What is there to fear when God is by your side? Nothing.